I suppose I was internalising a lot of the process of the CBT (which is not an acronym for cock and ball torture... Well, it is, but not in this context.) cognitive behavioural therapy is quite interesting from an abstract point of view. I've been reading through some of my earlier posts and thinking about how far my journey has taken me. I think that the biggest thing that I've taken from the whole process is a feeling of constant mindfulness. (I know, I know, it's a buzzword and very fashionable at the moment) There's no other way to frame it, I am looking at things that used to trigger negative thoughts and analysing them in a detached way. The nice thing is that I haven't become a Vulcan or anything and I can still enjoy the good feelings and emotions without stepping to one side and analysing them (well, any more than I always have). It's a case of having a good old Rawr!!!! And then realising that's why you did that then packing it up in a little chest and filing it away for future reference for if that situation happens again.
I'm not sure how others have viewed CBT, but this is the way that I worked it through. Paranoia is not really an issue and as a result anxiety has not raised it's head since before Xmas. The depression is something that I still need to work on, but I am still taking the Citalopram and the episodes are few and far between. That's not to say that they have gone completely though. I still feel the warm breath of the black dog on me from time to time, but now it's a much more manageable collie sized rather than the Digby (the biggest black dog in the world sized). I am considering down sizing the dosage over the next few months though. I do find that I occasionally forget to take the pills and after a couple of days, I tend to get the weirdest feeling of vertigo which is not entirely unpleasant but still a little freaky.
What else?
Hmmmm.....
Oh, I mentioned that I wasn't going to be doing as many stalls this comi year before Xmas. I realised how stupid that was and have now actually diversified my stall attendance a little. Trying new routes and stocklines. The workshop is virtually ready (aside from the lack of permanent power in there and a path to it. But the first workshop session sold out in less than a day, (I realise that there were only 5 places, but the point is that people are willing to pay for me to teach them stuff which was a hooooooge confidence booster.
The magic still hasn't really taken off although I have been lightly pushing down other avenues. I think I may need to consider alternatives to purely steampunk audiences and try maybe a small self financed show. I have a theatre at my disposal, I can do it, I know I can with enough practice... Maybe a showcase of different magic styles utilising different magishes.
