That turned out to be the hardest e-mail I have ever composed. Admitting to my line manager that I have some serious problems and need some time off to see if I can work them out. I realise that my job is a grounding thing, and that it helps me with a routine, and that I have just done the thing that I feared most. Asking for sick time.
Those of you that know me, know that I am a pretty self reliant person and my upbringing doesn't tolerate weakness in any form. Well, today I am at my weakest out of the is whole experience. I feel as though I am shrouded in eggshell and to drop me would result in scrambled Mark.
I hope work are understanding. They are traditionally very good at recognising mental health issues.
I didn't want it to come down to this as my position is a little precarious at the moment, but that is the very thing that is exacerbating the problems that I am experiencing. I dunno. After the outburst at a meeting yesterday, I don't feel as though I can go back and act as though nothing happened. It may seem like going into hiding, but I am not sure if they had been briefed as to my looney toons status.
Chemically, I am still experiencing side effects to the citalopram and maybe this episode has been heightened due to the lack of sleep that I've been experiencing as a result of the medication. There is also a very frustrating side effect that au won't go into details with, but suffice to say that some of the chemical make up of the drug is bromide which hasn't helped either.
What's the solution??? I dunno to be honest. Maybe change medication, maybe stop it altogether as the positives are beginning to get swamped by the negatives. I tried getting an appointment to see the doctor today, no luck. I'll try again tomorrow though.
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