It's been a month or so. How's it going? You still looney toons?

Blimey! Has it really been a month since my last post? Well no, slightly longer than that, but I'm sure that you know what I mean.

What's been happening you ask? What's the latest juicy little tidbit of information that the Black Dog has been getting up to with me recently?

Well, there is a reason that I haven't updated in over a month. I haven't felt up to it. I had a few set backs recently and I have been looking at the way that I dealt with them. The short answer to that is 'not well'.

There is a support network that has grown up around me, people are generally still in the caring phase rather than the 'just fucking get over it already' and 'are you still fucking mental or what?' phases. It's been a testing time really. I can see that some friends are becoming weary of the constant paranoia and in-securities that I've been displaying recently.

On the plus side, I have made a decision... Remember waaaaaay back when I first started the blog? When I said that I didn't want to go down the chemical route? Well, I've decided to do a U-turn on that one. The paranoia is getting worse. The therapy sessions are too few and far between to be of any real use as I can't actually remember from one session to the next what the hell I was supposed to be doing, (Did I mention that I have memory problems too? Well I do.)

So as a coping mechanism and just to give my loved ones a little respite, I've decided that it's in everyone's best interests if I give the Citalopram a go. I'm not particularly happy about it as it feels as though I am giving in and letting the chemicals take hold, but after talking to some good friends over this past weekend in Whitby, who have been on the receiving end of this form of treatment (as well as the talking therapies), they recommended it to me and this time, I think it sank in.

So I have no idea how the pills will affect me, for some people, it's like a chemical cosh for a couple of weeks while the drugs suffuse throughout the body while they make their presence known, with others apparently, it's hardly felt other than the positive benefits. I have to admit, when I was originally researching the drug that I was prescribed, I did tend to lean more towards the darker and less than positive websites to justify my decision.

So, that's it, shit got bad, as bad as it could get for a little while where I really was rocking backwards and forwards in my chair, but (and I hate myself for using buzzwords and bizniz speak) it's time to be proactive, time for me to stop the fucking moping around and get on with stuff. I have had a real problem with motivation recently and the completion of a couple of larger orders and one of the longer term display pieces for exhibitions etc. have helped me get back on an even keel. I'm not there yet, but hopefully, the pills will help.

Here's hoping. The next blog may be written from the asylum using my allotted weekly internet kitten credits! We shall see. I was going to write 'Kill or Cure' there, but I'm not sure that is appropriate.

Wish me luck Oh and a Happy Beltane to all of my pagan chums. Here's hoping that the lighter days bring lighter moods for all!