Hello, my name's Mark and I am a magician.

Well, not so much a magician, more of a mentalist, which is shorthand for 'I am rubbish at card tricks and sleight of hand!' There are also other connotations to that term which would also apply to me. Perhaps more on that in a bit.

I've always been fascinated with the greats. The Houdini's, the Maskelyne's and yes, even the Daniels'. Say what you like about Wiggy, he has had a fabulous career. I identify most with Derren Brown though. He makes no bones about the time he put into learning his trade and his approach to magic. He does not apologise for his performances the way that some magicians are wont to do and will always put little nods to his method into his scripts for those that want to learn. 

It's interesting that I thought about that... Apologising for a performance. I have found that I have a tendency to do that when on-stage myself. I still lack the confidence to perform. It may hearken back to the previous blog and my somewhat overwhelming confidence issues. I do have a stage persona, he is attempting to be the confident one, but still tends to be an apologist.

The best performance I felt I ever gave was before Christmas at a charity evening. Where I was pretty much trying out a whole new set. One of the effects was a mind reading bit and that was the first time that I felt that I had a little spark inside me. Looking into the eyes of the volunteer as I delivered the denouement was worth more to me than any payment, than any applause, than anything. I had entertained. There were people that thought that it may have gone on a little too long, but in that moment, I felt as though I was shoulder to shoulder with some of the good 'uns. It's rare and it's ephemeral, but it's so bloody worth it. 

One of the reasons that I started performing was to have an acceptable mask to fall back upon if the situation called for it. I could be 'that' guy who never went anywhere without a pack of cards and who could entertain for a couple of minutes. The Yorick who "could set the table on a roar". Not sure how far down that particular road I have travelled though.

I started out my previous blog by saying that I felt 6" tall oft-times, I don't mind telling you, that was one occasion that I felt at least 2 foot 6 and for the rest of the evening (I went on to do some blackjack dealing at the charity casino) I was flying. It may have been the persona taking over, it may have been the way that the effect worked, but secretly, I'd like to think that it was the twinkle of a good trick well done in the eye of a lady whom I held the hand of whilst reading her mind.

It's rare that I have a story that makes me  feel good these days. Mostly it's about my life turning to crap and being used as my own cautionary tale. But I do have to remind myself of the glimmer of when something goes right. This was one of those times.