It's 3am, I need to be up in 4 hours. Sleep, why do you elude me?

This might turn into a rambly incoherent sweaty toothed mad man blog this evening. Around twice every year, I have an absolutely marvellous visit from the insomnia fairy. I just can't sleep and it's not even because the clowns will eat me if I do! This normally culminates in a couple of days where I get no sleep whatsoever. I find that it's the only way that I can turn my body clock around. 

It's just that this period normally ends up with me at my most creative. This time has been different however. I haven't been able to motivate myself to do anything much. I've procrastinated and I've gazed at my navel and not got anything done. I missed my last therapist appointment today by the way. I completely forgot about it, I tried ringing the surgery to apologise, but the therapist had already left for the day. I really hate letting people down and even though it was in my diary on my phone, I missed it due to being engrossed in marking. Not sure how I feel about it to be honest. Even though I've been doing OK recently, I still don't feel that great in myself. I am constantly paranoid and in-secure. It may be because I am a youngest child. Maybe not. On occasion, it feels as though I am being a whiny arsehole. I don't mean to sound like that, I really don't. Although the support that I receive as a result of the ostensibly whiny posts does give me the warm fuzzies. I would like to share with you an instance of truly wonderful people at this point. This relates directly to me for a change. Yeah, Like this blog isn't just about me anyway??! One of my favourite quotes from the Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy is a line from Zaphod Beeblebrox "If there's anything around here that's more important than me, I want it caught and shot!"

Stop digressing You wanker!

Sorry...

Anyway, I have been commissioned to make some pouches for a magic colleague. Never met the man, but we share a common ground in our mutual love of feats of legerdemain. So we get to talking and it turns out that he reads the blog too. No names. Etc. he tells me that he has a new CD coming out and he would like me to have a copy to see if it helps with the stress. Gratis. For no other reason that he saw another human in distress and wanted to help. I know a lot of my friends do similar just by being there, but this chap is someone that I don't know, he didn't have to, he wanted to. I was genuinely touched by this offer of a helping hand. 

I decided at that point that I was going to pay that act of selflessness forward. I will be doing a number of stalls this year and I will decide on the time and place, but there will be at least 5 acts of  random kindness perpetrated on the general public 

This is my promise here and now to you. Paying it forward, (not only was it an awfully mawkish and sentimental movie) it heals the soul. It makes you feel good and the recipient feel good too and slowly that good feeling spreads. Like a field of mushrooms (seriously? A field of mushrooms? Where the hell did that analogy come from? Oh yeah, right, 3am babbling, gotcha.)

I hope that they will go forward and pay their random acts of kindness forward too. I would like to think that it might make a difference, that it might even spread the warm fuzzies a little. If everyone does perform 5 entirely random acts of kindness with no ulterior motive, it should come back around fairly quickly.

After all, we're all only 6 degrees removed from Kevin Bacon. Why should he get all the love?