The Electronic Support Network

Since being diagnosed with depression. I have had such an outpouring of support from people that I hadn't expected.

I've been inundated with well wishes, but there are a few select people that genuinely seem to be consistent in their concern. People who have been through the same thing and are happy to talk about it. face to face or electronically.

As you may know, I refused the pills in favour of the talking option. One of my main reasons for starting the blog in the first place. So it still surprises me when I get people sometimes out of the blue asking me how I'm doing. I shouldn't be surprised I suppose, but I still am. I know they are friends that are looking out for me, but it still gives me a frisson of paranoia when people do (perhaps I should have mentioned before that a couple of the symptoms of my depression manifest as anxiety and paranoia). I can't help wondering why they are asking. I'm trying to learn a method for accepting the questions at face value. Sometimes "How are you doing?" just means "How are you doing?" and not "I am wanting to delve into your very soul to drag you kicking and screaming into sharp relief for all to point and laugh at!"

A while ago, I would have said "fine thanks, how's you?" No matter what the real answer was. Now, I actually take the time to think about it and come up with a considered answer based on how I am actually feeling. I still may say Fine thanks, and mean it, but also the paranoia may take hold for a nerve strangling moment and I say "fine thanks" when I actually mean "GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!! A-WOOGA A-WOOGA!!! DIVE DIVE DIVE!!!" There is sometimes a very fine line between the two, but the support network is usually very good at spotting when I am not fine. It might be something in my eyes, the set of my jaw or the way that I part my hair (That last bit I made up. It's been a long time since I've been able to find any hair to part). I may however stare wistfully into the distance reminiscent of the Iconic James Dean poster (Well I'd like to think so. In reality, I probably just look myopic) and answer with a few sentences on how my life has been for the past few weeks/months (dependant on when the last time we spoke was). The asker might not want to hear about my ups and downs, but on the other hand, they may be able to help. The support network can only grow. I'd like to think that I am doing my bit in a small way by posting my blog so that others may see what I'm going through and identify with it and maybe get help as a result. I don't want to come over all Mother Theresa (extra points if you know where that quote is from), but if I can be a part of the support network for other people, then I can sleep a little better.

But anyway... That aside, I was having an extra long think in the smallest room on the chair where all people are equal this morning. I have an informal support network that has sprung up around me. People are looking out for my well being. And it occurred to me that we, in general, just don't take enough time to listen, I am guilty of it myself (I'm sorry wife, but I don't always have my entire attention focused on you when you are telling me about your day. I will try harder in future). How many people are slipping through the cracks?

I saw this popping up in my facebook feed yesterday and it starkly highlighted to me how when people do stop and listen it can make a bloody big difference!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JUPQVYpBME

When was the last time that you asked someone how they were doing and actually took the time to listen to the response?

Did the "Fine thanks, How's you?" appear genuine?

Was there a doubt in your mind as to if they really were fine?

Did you follow it up or were you thinking of the next thing to say in the conversation? I have to admit that I am getting better at spotting when people are not feeling great (I'm still not brilliant at it but in my defense, I am a bloke after all and people still need to beat emotions into me with a sledge hammer sometimes) and I have started gently challenging them on it. It might occasionally appear pushy (as when others have asked me in the past and not relented), but it might save a life.

Sorry this blog isn't about boobies or film references today, but I went a bit serious after seeing that yesterday.

In addition, if you can help this chap (I do have friends that are London based) there is a hashtag to help him out: were you anywhere near the bridge in question on that date? #findmike